Self-confidence is the difference between
feeling limitless and wanting to pee in your pants. Do you know that others see
you just as you see or perceive yourself? (Well, except in cases like grandiose
delusion) Your perception is key because perception is reality.
Self-confidence is extremely important in our
lives, every aspect of it. Yet many struggle to find it. It is directly
proportional to success. The more self confident you are, the more likely you
are to be successful. Let's take our school exams for example. Although
self-confidence could be dependent on preparedness, one could easily make
mistakes or suffer from brain-block (the condition where someone forgets what
he has learned for a period of time) even after adequate preparation. This
occurs mostly in oral exams. You might have experienced this.
Self confident people inspire confidence in
others, their friends, colleagues, their audience, customers and even their
"ogas" at work. This is one key way at which they easily achieve
success. It's easier for you to be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, looks
at you straight in the eye, holds his head up high and answers questions
assuredly.
Likewise, you will be reluctant to follow or
support a project that is being executed by someone who is always nervous,
fumbling, scared and overly apologetic; in short, someone who lacks self
confidence.
I'll be sharing some tips on how to build your
self confidence. Even if you think you are already self-confident, read on.
Note: these tips won't make you Johnny bravo
overnight but with consistency and determination you will get there.
I will be dividing the steps in the self
confidence building process into 3 broad groups.
A. Psyche
B. Physique
C. Social habits
The 3 groups are not necessarily distinct.
They can be practiced concurrently.
Steps in PSYCHE are:
1. First of all, don't go down low but take a
look at yourself. Recognize who and where you are at the moment. Then think
about where you want to go and where you will rather be. Get your mind focused
on the task ahead.
2. Make a list of your achievements so far.
Think about the things you have done in the past that you have been commended
for. Or something that when you look back to, you feel fulfilled and proud of
yourself. Take a look at this list regularly so as to enjoy the success you
have already had.
3. Think about your strengths and identify
them. In what area of your life have you been most successful? Or what aspects
of your being do your friends regard to be your strength or weakness. By
identifying them, you get to know your strong point (opportunities) and weak
points (threats). You can build from there on.
4. Think positively about yourself. Remind
yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable
person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. Identify and
challenge any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself, such as ‘I am
a loser’, ‘I never do anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’.
5. Time to get more active. Set achievable
goals for yourself. This is a very important step in the development of self
confidence. Start with smaller tasks so that you won’t be overwhelmed. As you
achieve the small goals you set, don’t forget to celebrate your success. As
these little successes pile up, you'll have developed some confidence to take
on bigger tasks. Make setting and achieving goals a habit. But WATCH-OUT, do
not get over-confident or over-stretch yourself.
6. Learn to catch yourself every single time
you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or aren't good enough to get
what you want.
7. Listen to your doubts but be ready to make
deliberate decisions once you've heard them. Sometimes your doubts are there to
let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can use them to your benefit
as you move forwards.
8. Be thankful. A lot of times, lack of
confidence stems from the feeling that you do not have enough of something
(money, love etc). This also causes one to be insecure. When you focus too much
on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads
you to dwell on your weaknesses. Combat that feeling and find that inner peace.
PHYSIQUE
9. The way you dress says a lot about you.
Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. No one is more
conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good,
it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. This
doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune on clothes. Rather than buying a bunch
of cheap clothes, buy half as many but select high quality items. This
decreases the amount of money spent in the long run because they don’t wear out
as fast and they remain in fashion longer than cheaper, low quality ones.
10. Work on your personal hygiene. Bath and
shave frequently, wear clean clothes, style your hair, trim your nails, and
floss your teeth. I am sure it wouldn't 'add' to your confidence if you are
described (even once) as the guy or lady with BO or MO (Body odour/Mouth
odour). This alone can crash the confidence you have been building like the
world trade centre on 9/11.
11. WORK OUT!!!! And not by MOUTH. Get fit.
Put yourself in the shape of your life. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel
insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your
physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive.
12. Your posture and how you walk say a lot.
Stand up straight, keep your head up and make eye contact. People with slumped
shoulders and lethargic movement automatically send a message that they lack
confidence. When walking, walk faster. People with confidence walk quickly.
They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you
are not in a hurry or got nothing to do, don’t show it.
PSOCIAL HABITS (the 'P' is silent)
13. Do more of the things that you enjoy
doing. Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day, and remind yourself that
you deserve it. Make yourself feel good.
14. Do something nice for others. Think about
other people around you. Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We
focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you
stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making
to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. For
example, visit a friend who is sick, or get involved with a local charity. The
more you contribute to the lives of others, the more you’ll be rewarded with
personal success and recognition.
15. Learn to compliment other people. When you
feel bad about yourself, you tend to project that feeling to other people.
Break the habit of gossiping, back stabbing etc and replace it with smiles,
good gestures and praises. When you do these, you become well-liked. People in
turn say good things about you and you gain more confidence. So, always look
out for something good to compliment others on.
16. Be heard. When in group discussions or
meetings, always endeavour to make contributions. Don’t be scared because you
think you might say something silly. You will be surprised that people are much
more accepting than you imagine. Share your thoughts, project your views. Ask
questions. You become a better public speaker this way and also become
recognized.
17. Avoid places, people that make you feel
bad about yourself as much as you can. Or be more assertive.
18. Meet new people. When you attend social
events, don’t keep to yourself or to the people you already know. Go and have a
conversation with someone you don’t know and you never know what – or who –
you’ll discover.
19. When you make embarrassing mistakes in
public, make fun of yourself. Laugh at your stupidity. This way, when other
people try to make fun of you, you’ll be having your own fun.
20. Lastly, get support. Share your troubles.
Talk to friends and family about your difficulties and get advice from them.
Who knows/ they may also be having similar problems hence, you can form a
support group, or may have gone through something similar in the past, you get
to learn from their experience.
Jack Welch once said, “Giving people
self-confidence is by far the most important thing that I can do. Because then
they will act.”
Low self-confidence can be self-destructive,
and it often manifests itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally
more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also
believe in living life to the full. So, which would you rather be?
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