HOW TO HAVE A PEACEFUL AND LASTING MARRIAGE Vol. 1

Why is the rate of divorce and marital conflicts so high these days? This is a question I have often asked, and whenever I do so, the answers I get vary from one gender to the other. For women, the responses are usually-

Because of men's unfaithfulness/infidelity

Because men are heartless and wicked

Men are polygamous in nature

All men are the same.

He doesn't provide for the family upkeep. etc.

On the other side of men, there answers usually are-

She doesn't respect me as the man of the house

She has lost her attraction.

She's now so fat and repulsive

She's no longer the way she was when I married her.

She's not meeting up with my demand in bed

Let me just take a moment to address this issue.

For any relationship to progress to the point of marriage, I believe the individuals involved are ready to commit to each other. But along the line the feeling of complacency envelops them and they stop doing those things that attracted their partners to them. As a guy, while in courtship you could take your spouse to the costliest Restaurant or fast food joint, you could take her out for shopping, you used to make her birthday a memorable one... But now that she's your wife, you have totally abandoned all those stuffs. It is quite true that in marriage there are more bills to pay, but showing your wife love doesn't have to cost fortune, if you truly want to do it. Some no longer remember their partners' birthdays, not to talk of sending ordinary text message. But the same people used to make the day special to him/her during their courtship. Is dating now more important than marriage? Remember, no success is achieved without a price; this saying is also very true in marriage. Greater efforts and sacrifices should be employed in maintaining the marriage.

HERE ARE TEN WAYS TO ACHIEVE A PEACEFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE (For women)

1. Pray well before choosing a partner; don't just marry him because he's tall, rich and handsome. Remember he is going to be your partner for life.

2. Take time to educate yourself on marriage, on understanding men: the way they think, the motives behind their actions, how they differ from women. Very important! Read books and attend seminars. One of the books I will recommend for ladies is "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.

3. Try to know those things that got your husband attracted to you, and maintain or even improve on them, for there lies the success or failure of your marriage. This is very important. I will elaborate it with this question: A man that what mattered most to him while looking for a wife was to find "a lady who is slim", and rightly fitted into that description when he married you, do you think he would still love you, the way he used to, now that you're fat or even obese?

4. Give him total respect and loyalty. Many women fail in this area, they now see their husbands as their 'equals' in marriage. When he goes wrong, tell him in an honourable manner. Remember that after God in ranking, your husband comes next (1 Corinthians 11:4, Ephesians 5:23). Call him pet names that befit his status, not Papa Okey (lol) or Baby (except he's cool with that).

5. Make sure you serve him food as at when due, don't delegate that role to a house maid. Remember the popular saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Also learn how to keep your home clean and fresh.

6. Forgive him when he wrongs you. Yes, you have to. Jesus admonished us to forgive our offenders up to 70 times 7(Matthew 18:21-22). Your husband, by the virtue of his proximity to you, can offend you up to that number of times. But you just have to forgive him.

7. Tolerance is very crucial. I remember how often my siblings and I used to have disagreements amongst us while we were growing up, I now ask myself, if siblings from the same womb could have disagreements, how much more couples who came from different backgrounds and orientation? So expect your partner to differ from you in several ways; just try to tolerate and accommodate him.

8. Avoid involving a third party in your family affairs. No matter what the problem is, try to resolve it with him indoors. Dialogue is always the best approach to every conflict. Except on extreme cases, then you can confide in your pastor, his parents, your parents, or any other elderly person who can advise both of you. You both can also meet a marriage counselor, but that should be mutually agreed on.

9. Make God the bedrock of your marriage. God is the originator of marriage, so whenever there is problem in it, we should not forget to take it to Him in prayer. The truth is that some factors that break up marriages don't just happen, some of them have spiritual undertone. So let God lead in your marriage.

10. Talk to him with respect. This is where many women are lagging behind and one of the leading causes of wife battery. A man that wouldn’t have ordinarily laid a hand on his wife, but because she talked to him disgracefully and disrespectfully; that man may be forced to beat such a woman. Even when your husband is at fault, talk to him in a calm manner.

I am sure that these steps, if taken would help to reduce frictions in homes and ultimately guarantee success in marriage.

THE GREAT MAN WHO DISABLED HIS DISABILITY

                                   ALEX ZANARDI

                                          (1966 - Date)

In the world of car racing, many drivers are admired for their outstanding racing skills, but Alex has come to be admired globally for his great qualities which transcends his racing achievements. Such qualities include honesty, courage, optimism and determination to rise above life difficulties. More so is his “never-say-never” spirit which has endeared him to the hearts of millions of motor sports fans worldwide.

Alexandro Zanardi was born in Bologna, Italy on 23 October 1966. His parents Anna and Dino would do anything to keep him out of public roads after his sister Cristina, a promising swimmer was killed in a car crash in 1979. When Zanardi took interest in a friend working on a kart, his parents thought they have found the diversion they had been seeking for their son.

Zanardi developed so much passion for karts that he built his own first kart using wheels from a dustbin and pipes from his father’s line of work (his father was a plumber). He began to compete in local kart racing, but soon, in 1982 he entered the Italian 100cc karting championship in the Nazionale class and finished the overall 3rd.

By 1985 at the age of 19, he won the Italian title in karting competition, repeating the feat the following year. In 1985 and 1988 he won the Hong Kong GP title, and in 1987 he won also the European 135cc Championship, scoring five wins in five races, a record that is yet to be equalled.

By 1988 Zanardi progressed to Italian Formula Three (F3) at the age of 22. As he was improving his skills and adapting to a different kind of racing different from karting he met Daniela Manni who would later become his wife in 1996. Daniela was his team manager in the Erre Tre Racing for Italy. Zanardi’s marriage to Daniela helped him so much in his career as one of his racing opponents rightly said: “She was so good for Alex. He believed in racing with a lot of passion. Daniela believed in racing with a lot of rationality. She added reason to his passion.” They have one son - Niccolo.

In his successful career in F3 championships, he netted two wins, two 2nd positions and two 3rds. He also achieved victory in the European Cup event at Le Mans as well as reaching pole in the prestigious Monaco F3 race. Zanardi was also successful as a F3000 racer though he achieved less success in Formula one

Tragedy struck in Zanardi’s racing career in 2001. At the Eurospeedway Lausitz on September 15, he was leading in a race, after a late pit stop, he was trying to re-enter the track but unfortunately spun directly in front of another competitor, Alex Tanglini who was driving at full speed. It resulted in Tanglini driving through Zanardi’s car and Zanardi lost his two legs in the crash (one at and one above the knee). He would have died as a result of the crash if not for the expertise displayed by the CART’s medical team. He had already lost 75% of his blood in the encounter but he was given a rapid blood transfusion. He soon underwent a three-hour emergency surgery and his two legs were amputated up to the thigh to save his life.

After recovery, he left the hospital and started learning how to use artificial legs. Not satisfied with the artificial legs available commercially, Zanardi designed and built his own legs in a bid to find legs suitable for racing.

 In 2002, CART gave Zanardi the honour of waving the chequered flag in Toronto, Canada. Not only was Zanardi back behind the wheel in 2003, he was also racing again, with the help of a hand-operated brake and accelerator. Zanardi made one of the greatest comeback stories in racing history, and not minding his disability, he chose to compete as an equal. In May 2003, Zanardi’s was submitted to the Guinness Book of Records for being the first disabled to drive at a high speed of 194.275 mph (312 km/h). He eventually won the Italian Touring Car Championship merely four years after his accident. On August 24, 2005, at Lausitzring, Zanardi won his first World Series race since his accident.

In June 2003 he released his autobiography “My Sweet Victory” in Italian which was later translated into English and German. The book won a silver medal in the 2005 International Automotive Media Awards in autobiography category.

In 2007, he entered the hand-cycle division of the New York City Marathon and finished 4th.  He had already fully diverted to hand-cycling and in 2009, he won the Venice Marathon in the category for the disabled. In 2010, he won in Rome City Marathon and also won the New York City Marathon in 2011. Zanardi continued his winnings in 2012, winning a gold medal in the Men’s Road Time Trial H4 at the 2012 Paralympic Games held in London on 5^th September 2012. Two days after this win, he went ahead to win the Individual H4 Road Race, and in the Mixed Team Relay H1-4 on September 8, he won silver. To add to his tons of laurels, Zanardi was named one of “The Men of the Year 2012” by Top Gear magazine. In 2014, he finished the 2014 Ironman World Championship at 272^nd overall position, and 19^th out of 247 in the 45-49 years category. While he used a Handbike for the cycling section, he used an Olympic Wheelchair for the running section.