HOW TO HAVE A PEACEFUL AND LASTING MARRIAGE Vol. 1

Why is the rate of divorce and marital conflicts so high these days? This is a question I have often asked, and whenever I do so, the answers I get vary from one gender to the other. For women, the responses are usually-

Because of men's unfaithfulness/infidelity

Because men are heartless and wicked

Men are polygamous in nature

All men are the same.

He doesn't provide for the family upkeep. etc.

On the other side of men, there answers usually are-

She doesn't respect me as the man of the house

She has lost her attraction.

She's now so fat and repulsive

She's no longer the way she was when I married her.

She's not meeting up with my demand in bed

Let me just take a moment to address this issue.

For any relationship to progress to the point of marriage, I believe the individuals involved are ready to commit to each other. But along the line the feeling of complacency envelops them and they stop doing those things that attracted their partners to them. As a guy, while in courtship you could take your spouse to the costliest Restaurant or fast food joint, you could take her out for shopping, you used to make her birthday a memorable one... But now that she's your wife, you have totally abandoned all those stuffs. It is quite true that in marriage there are more bills to pay, but showing your wife love doesn't have to cost fortune, if you truly want to do it. Some no longer remember their partners' birthdays, not to talk of sending ordinary text message. But the same people used to make the day special to him/her during their courtship. Is dating now more important than marriage? Remember, no success is achieved without a price; this saying is also very true in marriage. Greater efforts and sacrifices should be employed in maintaining the marriage.

HERE ARE TEN WAYS TO ACHIEVE A PEACEFUL AND HAPPY MARRIAGE (For women)

1. Pray well before choosing a partner; don't just marry him because he's tall, rich and handsome. Remember he is going to be your partner for life.

2. Take time to educate yourself on marriage, on understanding men: the way they think, the motives behind their actions, how they differ from women. Very important! Read books and attend seminars. One of the books I will recommend for ladies is "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.

3. Try to know those things that got your husband attracted to you, and maintain or even improve on them, for there lies the success or failure of your marriage. This is very important. I will elaborate it with this question: A man that what mattered most to him while looking for a wife was to find "a lady who is slim", and rightly fitted into that description when he married you, do you think he would still love you, the way he used to, now that you're fat or even obese?

4. Give him total respect and loyalty. Many women fail in this area, they now see their husbands as their 'equals' in marriage. When he goes wrong, tell him in an honourable manner. Remember that after God in ranking, your husband comes next (1 Corinthians 11:4, Ephesians 5:23). Call him pet names that befit his status, not Papa Okey (lol) or Baby (except he's cool with that).

5. Make sure you serve him food as at when due, don't delegate that role to a house maid. Remember the popular saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Also learn how to keep your home clean and fresh.

6. Forgive him when he wrongs you. Yes, you have to. Jesus admonished us to forgive our offenders up to 70 times 7(Matthew 18:21-22). Your husband, by the virtue of his proximity to you, can offend you up to that number of times. But you just have to forgive him.

7. Tolerance is very crucial. I remember how often my siblings and I used to have disagreements amongst us while we were growing up, I now ask myself, if siblings from the same womb could have disagreements, how much more couples who came from different backgrounds and orientation? So expect your partner to differ from you in several ways; just try to tolerate and accommodate him.

8. Avoid involving a third party in your family affairs. No matter what the problem is, try to resolve it with him indoors. Dialogue is always the best approach to every conflict. Except on extreme cases, then you can confide in your pastor, his parents, your parents, or any other elderly person who can advise both of you. You both can also meet a marriage counselor, but that should be mutually agreed on.

9. Make God the bedrock of your marriage. God is the originator of marriage, so whenever there is problem in it, we should not forget to take it to Him in prayer. The truth is that some factors that break up marriages don't just happen, some of them have spiritual undertone. So let God lead in your marriage.

10. Talk to him with respect. This is where many women are lagging behind and one of the leading causes of wife battery. A man that wouldn’t have ordinarily laid a hand on his wife, but because she talked to him disgracefully and disrespectfully; that man may be forced to beat such a woman. Even when your husband is at fault, talk to him in a calm manner.

I am sure that these steps, if taken would help to reduce frictions in homes and ultimately guarantee success in marriage.